with you, it's different
by raffertysdonna
Summary: "Harvey," Donna says with a slight tremor in her voice. "What if we tried making this into something real instead?" She doesn't want to lose him but working for him is ultimately out of the question./ Set post the other time.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I have never worked harder on a fic in my life... yet I have never hated one more. I have been struggling to accept that this is different from what I usually write and the thought of people reading it makes me nervous and nauseous. Let me know your honest thoughts please, I would really appreciate some feedback._

* * *

_with you, it's different_

.

Donna finds herself sitting across from Harvey in a small diner two days after they had both quit the DA's office and succumbed to their mutual attraction. There is a part of her that is surprised that he reached out again so quickly. His message had left her curious and slightly nervous for what it is that he wants, because with Harvey, there is always something.

"So, what was so important that you just _had_ to see me?"

"I don't know how to say it so I'm just gonna come out and say it but...," he pauses. His voice drops a little and he sounds serious as he continues. "I don't wanna lose you."

She stares at him wide-eyed, her mind blanking as her heart starts beating faster. There is something akin to hope blooming in her chest; but his next words leave no room for doubt that what he actually means is that he doesn't want to lose a perfectly good secretary.

"Come work for me."

"What?" The question leaves her lips before she knows what she is saying. Her thoughts are all over the place as she continues to stare at him intently.

"Don't go to Skadden. I took a job at my old firm." He tilts his head to the side and she looks down quickly to hide the disappointment on her face.

She is only realising now that the last thing she expected him to ask her was to come work for him. It makes her wonder if he didn't feel the same pull she did the other night, if she didn't read him as well as she thought she did.

"I was hoping you'd be happy." There's a silent question in his words, like he was sure she would be happy and is confused why she doesn't seem to be.

"Harvey, I don't think that's a good idea," she shakes her head slowly, decidedly.

"If this is about your rule…"

"I had it for a reason, you know," she reminds him gently.

"And the reason being?"

"I can't go back to being your secretary after what we did the other night!" The fact that he even asks shows her that he really doesn't get it.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be the secretary that sleeps with her boss."

It's the last thing she ever wants to be.

She had been that, briefly, before meeting Harvey. Way before she knew it didn't create a healthy and productive work environment, back when she prioritised having fun. When she was young and naive and didn't think it would put her job at risk. Going down that road is not an option again.

She let it happen, gladly spent the night with Harvey, strawberries and a can of whipped cream, but at the same time she knew it meant the end of their working relationship.

"We won't do it again," he quickly reassures her, even though the thought seems absurd; the memory of her body moving against his still fresh in his mind.

"How can you say that after the way you treated me the other night?" Donna demands.

She had seen, _felt, _his want for her but it hadn't been just that, it hadn't just been about sex and releasing the tension because it had felt comfortable. She'd felt safe with him the whole time and that's what's mostly stuck in her mind now.

They go well together. They could be _something._

"We had a lot of fun!"

It is just like him to deflect from deeper emotions and it frustrates Donna.

"No, Harvey, it was more than that and I think on some level you know it." The need to hear him say it, say that he felt _something _too is overwhelming.

"Ugh, Donna, if I had known this would become such a big deal to you, I never would have come over." The frustration is clear in his voice, yet she still has to ask.

"Why didn't you know it was going to happen?"

"Because I knew you weren't game. Things at the DA's office went south so quickly that I didn't have a chance to think about taking another job, and when I did... I thought about who I wanted to take it with. Look, I don't want to find out what kind of lawyer I'd be without you."

Donna exhales, tears are stinging in her eyes as she fights with herself. There's a chance it could work. They are a good team and she enjoys working for him more than she thought she would. He's not just a player, even though he likes to pretend that he is. She knows he is still in the stages of growing up and so is she.

"Harvey," she says with a slight tremor in her voice, still trying to make sense of the way she is feeling. "What if we tried making this into something real instead?"

She doesn't want to lose Harvey but working for him is ultimately out of the question. Being a legal secretary has been a way to pass the time until she makes it on Broadway anyway.

"What?"

"I'm just asking, Harvey,"

"I'm not boyfriend material and you know it."

She nods. She does know that. His reaction is exactly what she thought it would but hoped it wouldn't be.

Donna swallows, there's no way forward from here but, "We could try."

"Donna, you know what this was and I can't offer you any more than I'm already offering."

"Why can't you just–"

"Take it or leave it. You know that this is a great opportunity." His gaze is burning into her, willing her to change her answer. He doesn't want to work without her but it is obvious that he is losing her.

(The thought that _maybe _he doesn't want to _be _without her _period_ doesn't fully register.)

"I'm sorry, Harvey, but I can't work for you again." Her voice is latched with regret, not only for declining his offer but also for sleeping with him and allowing herself to hope.

He is pissed. His hands are balled into fists, the skin around his palm tight.

Realising he can't change her mind, he lashes out.

"Fine, then don't," he replies through gritted teeth, "but don't call me again if you need a job after all. We are done here. I can't offer you anything else."

His words hurt way more than she thought they would.

Donna gets up slowly, she touches his shoulder briefly and remains graceful, "I wish you all the best, Harvey, truly."

Her touch lingers on his shoulder long after she is gone.

* * *

Donna had always dreamt of being an actress. Ever since she was a little girl, she had imagined herself pursuing a career in the performing arts. Her parents hadn't been too happy about it seeing as they couldn't support her financially and it wasn't a stable source of income, but she didn't care.

She knew she was witty and smart. She knew she could easily make it to the top of the ladder anywhere, but her intuition and her empathy made her special and different. Wherever she went, she stood out from the common crowd and she used it to her advantage.

She loved performing, she loved the rush of adrenaline it gave her and she loved having everyone's full attention when she was on stage.

Still, she took her father's advice to have a back-up plan to heart and made sure he wouldn't have to worry about her like she had worried about his unstable career for years.

Being a legal secretary had always only been plan B, she was upfront about that. Harvey knew and he didn't mind her going for the occasional audition at odd times because she made more than up for it with her intellect, her irresistible charm and vanilla coffee. She was unlike every other secretary he'd ever had. Her self-confidence and the way she teased him endlessly and matched his cockiness with banter were ultimately the reasons why he had wanted to take her to Pearson Hardman with him.

Donna knows all that. On some level, she even understands his reaction because she knows _him_.

Declining Harvey's offer had been hard – it had been even more difficult to walk away from what she thinks could have been _something;_ but that is a dream for another lifetime.

Either way, she never ends up going to those interviews at Bratton Gould, Scadden Arps and O'Melveny & Myers. Instead, she decides to give acting another go. Her agent manages to get her auditions for three small off-Broadway plays in Manhattan and she feels like maybe this is what life has had in store for her all along.

When she gets a callback from one of the plays, she feels more alive and excited than she has in years. It takes her mind off Harvey – his body above hers, under hers, _behind_ hers – and her life does a one eighty.

Everything happens so fast and she can't wipe that stupid smile off her face because finally, _finally_, she has a lead role in a small play. It's called _How The World Began _and they are going to perform at Laura Pels Theatre in Upper Manhattan.

Rehearsals are tough and demanding. She's thrown into long work hours, remembering the script by heart and rehearsing her scenes over and over again with the cast. For a few weeks, that's all she does. Work and sleep. Work and sleep. Repeat.

It's no wonder that she starts feeling nauseous when she has to get up early, or the way she can't stand the smell of coffee and heavy perfume. She convinces herself it's nerves and excitement, she hasn't performed in a while after all, but something doesn't seem quite right.

It's when an old pair of jeans won't button up one morning that it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Everything adds up within seconds and comes crashing down just as quickly.

She tries to think of how many weeks it's been since her night with Harvey and it makes so much sense, she almost can't believe she missed it.

She buys various pregnancy tests on her way home that day. Her fingers are clammy when she follows the instructions of the tests and waits for the results. She _knows_ they are going to be positive. The symptoms are all there, have been for a few weeks actually, but she had been too distracted to put two and two together. It's entirely unlike her, but then again, she had been trying her hardest to forget about Harvey Specter.

She allows her mind to wonder about how Harvey is doing for the first time in weeks as she sits on the closed lid of her toilet. She hasn't heard from him, obviously, but he also hadn't been in the newspaper with some big case, so really, she's clueless and it irks her.

Her mind wanders to the very real possibility of being pregnant with his child then. The thought of already being _that_ makes her dizzy and for a long moment she hopes she's wrong — she's in her mid-twenties, she's busy rehearsing for a play and she isn't on speaking terms with Harvey. It would be _less than ideal _to say the least.

Donna turns over one of the pregnancy tests then. She inhales sharply – two pink lines are staring back at her. For a moment time seems to stand still and the only thing she feels is the way her pulse accelerates and her heart rate increases. Her eyes are transfixed on the two lines; it's a _plus, _they stand for _positive_, it means she is _pregnant_.

Even though it's only a confirmation of what she suspected already, nothing could have prepared her for the way she _feels._

It's a mix, really. Her emotions circle around shock, fear, hope and finally settle on _oh my god Harvey Specter's offspring is camping in my uterus. _

It's absurd and she has no idea what her future is going to look like now.

* * *

Harvey settles into a new routine quickly. Things aren't that different at Pearson Hardman than they are at the District Attorney's office except for the fact that Donna isn't there.

She'd only worked for him for just under two years but he can't remember a time when she didn't and he feels the loss of it, _her,_ heavily.

At first, he's just annoyed. But annoyance turns into missing her soon enough; which he doesn't want to acknowledge, but it's simmering beneath the surface regardless. He goes through five secretaries within two months because he still hopes Donna will follow. He keeps the position occupied for two weeks maximum until Jessica forbids him from firing his latest assistant, Gretchen.

She's great at what she does, he has to give her that; she's just not Donna.

Harvey is working late at night when he sees a flash of red hair walking around the corner and into the office next to his. Even though he knows it isn't Donna, his heart rate picks up and he pauses for half a second.

The image of Donna snickering against his shoulder as her unruly hair tickles his chest, flashes over his nerves. For a moment all he can think about is the smell of her perfume under his nose and the slightly fruity taste of her lip balm on his lips. He had pinned her against the wall in her bedroom then, hopeless against the magnetic pull that seemed to drive him towards her. He had fucked her senseless until he forgot that this was a one time thing and that he didn't want this to _mean_ anything.

He decides he's done for the night five minutes later when he has to fight a hard-on in his office. No other woman had _ever _had this effect on him and he can't understand for the life of him why he hasn't been able to get her out of his system yet.

(Jessica's words are ringing in his ears, _she must be very special, _but he chooses to ignore that.)

Two months turn into three. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it isn't, but he sees Bertha from the DA's office talking to Gretchen on the 46th floor by chance.

"Gretchen, call Jeremy Murphy and file these," He puts a few papers on her desk.

Bertha looks at him skeptically. "Gretchen is your secretary? What happened to you and Red? She your girlfriend now?"

"What? No," he replies, annoyed that she brings up Donna.

She gives him a strange look. "Well, I bet you're real proud of her for getting the lead role in an off-Broadway production. You gonna see her on stage?"

"Donna is acting again?" He can't hide the surprise in his voice. It's the first piece of information he's heard about Donna since she had declined his offer and walked out of the diner and he realises only now how _starved_ he is for it.

"You don't know she's acting again? Damn, what happened between the two of you?" She looks at him quizzically.

"That's none of your concern. What's she in?"

Gretchen and Bertha share a look. "_How The World Began_. It's in theatre from September all through October."

He nods nochantly and starts walking into his office but turns around to ask, "Which theatre?"

"Laura Pels Theatre."

The two women smirk. Men. He's so _obvious _and he just needs a push.

Harvey files that information for later. It's only August.

* * *

Donna sets up an appointment with her OB/GYN the next day. She's still processing and for the first time in her life, she doesn't know what to do.

Nothing seems to have changed but she feels different, this is _big. Life-altering._

She knows that she should tell Harvey right away but she decides to do it later, when she has the confirmation and when she knows how she's going to move forward.

When she has said confirmation and a picture from the ultrasound, she knows she's going to keep it. But she's terrified. It's _real_. There's a tiny fetus growing inside of her and in only a few short weeks she won't be able to hide it with loose shirts anymore.

The writer and the director of the play are thrilled. They tell her they can fit it into the play seamlessly and that's a relief at least.

Donna tells her mom about her pregnancy on a Friday after work. When her mom asks who the father is, she's met with silence. It tells her everything there is to know; why Donna didn't follow Harvey to that fancy law firm and why she's refused to say his name ever since.

The longer Donna waits to tell Harvey the harder it seems to actually do it. What would she even say to him? He'd been very clear that he didn't want her to call him, that he was emotionally unavailable and not ready for anything other than one-night stands and a good time.

_He has a right to know, sweetie_. Her mother's words won't leave her head but calling him — or worse, actually facing Harvey again — would be like picking on the skin of a wound that is still in the process of healing.

She protects her heart selfishly. She thinks, just another day, she plans on telling him, but she's busy with rehearsals and it's easier to ignore than to act on it.

By the time it's the opening night of her play, her belly has rounded and she can feel tiny flutters. Her cast members have asked about her situation but she's told no one — she feels ashamed of her own inability to suck it up and face Harvey again.

The guilt is eating away at her but she's so far along now that she can't explain away why she didn't tell him sooner.

Getting ready in her dressing room, she decides she will tell him after tonight. No matter how bad his reaction might be, he has a right to know.

She's standing behind the curtain, wearing a colourful dress and a cream-coloured cardigan, ready to perform, when the thought that Harvey might be sitting in the audience enters her mind. She dismisses it quickly. Harvey Specter wouldn't be seen dead going to the theatre on his own. And besides that, he hasn't reached out to her either.

Her whole body is buzzing with nerves, the baby kicking, when she steps out onto the brightly illuminated stage.

* * *

Harvey is running late. It's 7:25pm when he pays and tips the cab driver before hurrying inside Laura Pels Theatre.

He is in desperate need of a drink for many reasons. The first reason is Louis and his stupid cat. The second one is knowing he is going to see Donna again after four months of radio silence. The third one is that he has decided to talk to her after the play if he has a chance.

He hadn't exactly planned on going, but as the opening of Donna's play had come closer, he had found himself thinking about her more and more often. Work is boring, he finds. Unfulfilling. And he is in desperate need of some kind of boost — Donna had always been good at that. So here he is.

Breathless. Nervous. Feeling foolish, out of place and… _excited_.

The theatre is crowded and he looks, feels, _is_ overdressed in his Tom Ford suit. He manages to get a ticket at the far end of the stalls and struggles climbing over legs and cups to get to his seat. It's a small theatre which is held mostly in black and this idea to see her on stage seems silly now.

It only seems silly until Donna appears on stage and takes his breath away though.

The stage lights are making her red hair glow like a halo and he finds himself transfixed on her everything.

She is playing a biology teacher, Susan Pierce, who unthinkingly implies that creationism is 'gobbledygook'. It leads to the entire town being up in arms and her job being in jeopardy.

Donna really shines on stage. She acts beautifully and with such rawness, he can't help but think that he should have supported her more instead of only allowing her to step out to the occasional audition. He hadn't bothered to find out why she was so passionate about it, or why it was so important to her to make it in the industry. He thinks he should have. She looks like she belongs on a bigger stage and he feels his chest fill with pride and happiness for her and resentment and anger at his actions in turn.

He shouldn't have lashed out when he didn't get what he wanted. He can admit that now but usually she would have made him see it right away. Without her help, it took him way longer to realise it.

His eyes linger on her rounded midsection though. Her character is pregnant but it's the way Donna holds herself and lays her hand on her belly that makes him panic, just a little. It's _just_ enough to make him think and worry.

She looks like she's about four or five months along and he briefly imagines her being pregnant with _his child _which makes him break out in sweat so he convinces himself that a) it can't be his because they used condoms, b) she would have told him surely, even if he told her not to call and c) because this is a _play_ and everything is scripted and _Donna cannot be pregnant. _

Another thought gnaws at him, this thought almost worse. Donna could very well be pregnant with someone else's child.

So he decides that it must be a fake belly and doesn't allow his mind to go other places.

* * *

After the play is over, he makes his way through the crowd lost in thought. The play's focus had been on the ways in which people obliviously or intentionally belittle one another and it explored the cost of cohabiting with those who are different than you. He feels shaken, questioning the way he approaches situations and other people's beliefs. The message the cast brought across makes him rethink instances in his life where he hadn't cared about anyone's feelings but his own.

His family comes to mind; Donna too.

He thinks about why he had been running so late — it had been because of Louis and some drama with his cat — Harvey had told him, harshly, that he didn't care if his cat had destroyed his new purple cashmere sweater that was meant to entice the _woman of his dreams. _He had completely disregarded Louis' feelings, not even letting him finish his sentence, and told him that the situation didn't justify arriving late to their meeting. It had ended with them bickering and not being able to settle on terms both parties would be happy with.

Harvey hadn't thought a play about something like this could be so thought-provoking and fascinating to watch.

Maybe he has so give all the credit to Donna though. He hadn't been able to tear his eyes off her whenever she'd been on stage.

He opts to go for a quick drink at the bar inside the theatre once he reaches the lounge area. His head is throbbing with questions and he desperately needs something to take the edge off. He still isn't sure if Donna's baby bump is real or if she put on a fake one for the purpose of her role but either way, the thought alone makes him sweat.

After getting a slight buzz on, he walks through the entrance of Laura Pels Theatre at last.

* * *

Donna is absolutely buzzing after the play. She feels proud and accomplished and she can't even begin to describe the extent of emotions that are coursing through her body.

She's missed performing. She's always loved theatre but this play has given her new purpose.

"Congratulations, Donna! You were amazing!" She hears people gush from all sides and it feels like a relief. She's worked so hard on this play and seeing it all pay off makes her heart burst.

The baby is still doing somersaults in her belly when she changes into her own clothes and leaves the backstage area.

* * *

Donna is standing in front of the theatre engaged in conversation. He notices that she's changed into a casual outfit – a dark green top, a pair of leggings and sneakers. It's definitely not the prettiest or the fanciest outfit she's ever worn, but it looks good in a way that makes Harvey's throat burn.

Her protruding belly is stretching the fabric of the shirt a little and it hits Harvey hard – the reality he finds himself in.

Donna is really pregnant.

She is much shorter without her usual heels, but his eyes stay glued on her belly. His hands suddenly feel sweaty and he wishes he'd had another neat shot.

Seeing her talk to strangers, hugging them and making small talk, strikes Harvey with a longing he can't name.

_(He just misses her.)_

Her hand is resting on her belly, when she looks into his direction and their eyes meet. She doesn't look like _his_ Donna anymore either. Her bangs are gone and her hair is shorter.

They stay an ocean apart, even when she walks closer and tries so hard to look indifferent.

And then it's just the two of them.

"Donna," he greets.

"Harvey."

So many thoughts are whirling through her head and she almost can't breathe as a wave of guilt washes over her.

He is here. He came to see her on stage. He knows she's pregnant.

There's no excuse for not telling him, not really, and her feeble attempt to protect her heart from his reaction seems foolish and stupid now. She's Donna for Christ's sake. She's the woman who approached Harvey at a bar and charmed her way onto his desk.

"It's been a while." Harvey cringes at his own comment.

"It has."

It's ridiculous the effect Harvey still has on her. He looks _fine._ His appearance hasn't changed much but she hasn't been around people who wear Tom Ford suits in a while and she appreciates the grey three-piece he's wearing. His tie is slightly crooked and her fingers are itching to make it look perfect.

(So much for _If anybody's falling for anybody it would be you for me._)

The silence is awkward – she still doesn't know what made him wait for her after the play.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again, least of all here." Donna tries not to sound hurt but she does, a little, and she absolutely hates it. She's not one of those women.

"I heard about your play and thought I'd come down to see it." He becomes painfully aware of the fact that he hadn't thought this through. He doesn't know what he wants from her.

"This isn't your scene, Harvey." She crosses her arms over her bump.

"Isn't it?"

She huffs. "You don't even like theatre."

"...but I _like_ you," he sighs, "I wanted to see you again. I thought maybe we could talk."

_Oh._

The air is crisp and Donna rubs her hands over her exposed skin. She makes a decision then. It has to be tonight. He wants to talk and she has to tell him.

"Listen, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while too," she starts, "Do you have some time?"

"Of course."

They end up going to a small bar nearby. It's fairly busy but they manage to get a small table in the far left corner and it gives them enough privacy. They order drinks (a scotch for Harvey and a water for Donna) and conversation flows better than expected.

"So, you're not working at Skadden Arps? This is what you do now?" It's been his number one thought for weeks now and he can't help but ask, equally fascinated and impressed by her choice.

"Yeah. I never actually went to any of the interviews. I gave Broadway another chance, you know how theatre has always been my dream. I got lucky this time around." Donna smiles.

He smiles too. "The play is amazing."

"Harvey Specter admitting that theatre is great, I never thought I'd see the day," she teases.

"I can appreciate a good play when I see it, especially when it has you in the lead role."

Donna takes a sip from her water and Harvey has the strong urge to let her know that he is absolutely baffled by her talent. Her performance had been different from any other role he'd ever seen her in, to be fair it hadn't been more than two or three; but he feels oddly proud of her success.

"Seriously Donna, you were amazing."

It hurts to hear that in a strange way. She forgot how generous Harvey could be with his compliments when he felt like she deserved them. The guilt of not having told him that she is carrying his child overwhelms her then.

"Thank you."

He studies her expression. The smile that had been adorning her lips is gone so quickly, he wonders if he's said something wrong. Donna's hand comes up to rest on her belly and he has to ask, has to know what happened.

Harvey mentions the elephant in the room before she can say anything else.

"I didn't know you were expecting." There's a rough edge to his voice when he adds, "Congratulations, Donna." He can't hold the question back. It's been bugging him all evening, making him panic and anxious for reasons he can't explain himself, "Who's the lucky guy?"

It's now or never. Her breathing is shallow and Donna curses herself for putting this off. It's incredibly unfair to dump it on him now just because he came around to see her play.

"It's yours."

Harvey breaks out into laughter, his eyes saying _good one_ but when Donna remains serious all of his earlier worries catch up to him in a matter of seconds. His laugh gets stuck in his throat and the air around him suddenly becomes tighter.

"What?"

"It's yours, Harvey."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I would never joke about something like this."

He sucks in a sharp breath then. "It's mine?"

"Yes, it can only be yours. Look, Harvey, I'm so sorry that I'm only just telling you now. I should have told you months ago."

His brain goes into denial then. Thinking of all the reasons it cannot be his. _His baby. His. Oh God._

"No. No - Donna it can't be. We used protection, remember?"

"Yeah, you know those things only work 97% of the time though."

"What?" He croaks. His brain is going into overdrive and he doesn't even know where to start.

"It doesn't matter now. I only found out two months ago and I didn't know how to–"

"So you've been _keeping _this from me? For months?" His head explodes then, the rational side making way for his anger and feelings at how messed up this situation is. "Why didn't you tell me? Donna, this wasn't your goddamn decision to make!"

Her eyes are shimmering with tears and she is blinking rapidly by the time he decides to take a breath. People are giving them weird looks and she regrets doing this in a public space.

Harvey takes a large sip of his scotch and continues, "You had _no right._"

"You said we were done," she reminds him. She would have loved to tell him if he hadn't told her not to call. He had made himself so very clear and she couldn't find the strength to reach out.

"That's still not an excuse. Of course I would want to know if you're– _pregnant_," he chokes on the word. "God Donna, this is huge."

"I know."

She can see him shutting off then which is fair enough. It's been a long day and an even more eventful evening and she decides to give him some time to process the news.

"Look, I'm going to give you some space now. I know this is not what either of us had planned… but it's what happened and I really want to make the best out of it." Her voice is soft, gently bringing him down from the adrenaline shock that is coursing through his veins, "I have performances from Monday all through Saturday from now on, so when you know how you want to deal with this, call me or wait for me after the play."

Donna gets up and Harvey stares at her belly and her retreating form until she's out of his sight, still unable to fathom the thought that they accidentally made a baby.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you so, so much for giving this story a chance. I was honestly blown away by the response to it. I hope you like this chapter, too. _

* * *

Harvey is waiting for her in front of the theatre two nights later. She's almost surprised to see him again so soon, she'd been worried it would take weeks for him to come around. This time, he's wearing a pair of jeans and a casual dark grey sweater and her eyes trail over his form appreciatively.

He is leaning against the wall near the entrance giving her a sheepish look which she takes as a good sign. Donna says goodnight to her cast members quickly before making her way over to him.

"I didn't expect you to come around again so soon."

"I have questions," he starts, "and you're the only one who can answer them. So," he looks at her, "Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"Yeah, sure. I haven't had dinner yet though and I'm starving."

"Do you want to eat Thai? Gretchen said a new place just opened up a couple of blocks from here."

"I could definitely go for some Thai," she agrees, her stomach rumbling.

Thirty minutes later, they are sitting in a small restaurant. Despite the slight awkwardness due to neither of them knowing how to approach this situation, they have managed to make a little bit of small talk while Donna is digging into her well-deserved dinner.

"I need to apologise again. There is no excuse for not telling you sooner. I was honestly going to tell you, I just…" Her eyes flicker around the room briefly, "I needed time."

She's met with silence but she knows Harvey and she can see that he is working through his emotions in order to be honest with her too. They've never been open with each other. It was always push and pull, teasing and daring all in one, and it had taken him months to figure out that he couldn't get that same energy anywhere else.

"You're right. You should have told me… but maybe we both needed it," he muses. "I didn't realise what a big part of my life you were until you no longer were."

It's an admission, it's more than she hoped for. Even if he didn't say he missed her, she can read between the lines.

"I understand."

"About what you said… about us," he doesn't look at her and she _thinks_ she knows what he is going to say and where this is headed. His rejection still feels like a fading bruise and all of this, his proximity, him knowing about the baby, is not helping it.

"Let's not complicate things. Let's focus on this?" He looks up into her worried eyes then, he can see her hiding, shutting off and wanting him to leave it at that, so he just nods.

It's not like anything has changed – except that it irrevocably has.

They eat in silence for a while until Harvey can't take it any longer.

"So, you and I are having a baby?"

Donna's eyes snap up, and she would laugh at his comically wide eyes if the situation wasn't so serious. Instead, she nods letting him lead this conversation.

"How did you find out?"

"A pair of jeans felt snug," she admits reluctantly. "That's when everything suddenly made sense. The slight nausea, the exhaustion…" She shrugs. "I was beginning to show."

His brows draw together, "How did _you_ not put two and two together before? You're Donna."

"I wasn't paying attention." There's an edge of something in her voice. Defensiveness or annoyance, he isn't quite sure. It's entirely unlike Donna to not be alert of what's happening in her own life, her own body. "I got thrown into a busy work schedule of rehearsing and memorising lines."

It's the truth, she had thrown herself into work quite literally. She had welcomed the distraction and how good it felt to see herself thrive professionally in something that had nothing to do with the law.

Sitting here tonight feels surreal.

They are not working together anymore. Instead they are having a conversation about her being pregnant over dinner. It's not a situation either of them saw in their future.

"I thought we were covered that night." He rubs his hand over his temple.

"I know, me too."

They had been reckless though and things had gotten messy after they added strawberries and whipped cream to the mix. Putting on a condom hadn't even entered his mind until Donna had positioned herself above him with intent.

"I can't wrap my head around the idea of it, Donna," he shakes his head in a feeble attempt to rid his mind of those images. "What are we supposed to do?"

Something snaps inside of her. "Make the best of it, Harvey. It happened and we can't take it back. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"I know. I know, it's just… not the right time. This isn't how I imagined becoming a father."

It's not like he had ever thought of becoming a father before. He couldn't even keep the girls he slept with straight – not because they weren't interesting enough but because he didn't want to open up. It's why he usually stuck to young and beautiful women who were looking for the same thing he was; a good time.

Sweat starts pooling around his hairline and he feels Donna's gaze on him. She's reading him like an open book.

"You can be as involved as you want," she says finally, sounding resigned. "I'm not forcing you to do anything. But Harvey, it's happening whether you are there for it or not."

He thinks of his cheating mother then, and his busy father. How they both managed to fuck him up in their own ways and he doesn't want to be like that, like them. There's no denying that he's not ready for fatherhood. His work and career have always come first and a child would mess all of that up but he's never backed down from a challenge and he's not about to start now.

"I do want to be involved," he is certain of that. "But Donna, I don't know the first thing about parenthood."

"We'll figure it out along the way," she reassures him.

He watches Donna who seems to have all the answers. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail tonight and he can see the very cascade of freckles on her clavicles that he had sucked on with his lips mere months before. Her eyes are determined, showing faith in him and if anyone could make him want to do the right thing, it's her.

Donna seems larger than life to him anyway and she is far more complex and layered than he had assumed. It scares him how much he trusts her and how comfortable he feels with her.

"Good."

"Good." Her smile matches his own, and he wants to believe that maybe things would turn out to be alright.

"In fact, I want to be there for your next ultrasound appointment if that's alright with you?"

"Yes, of course. I have a level 2 ultrasound coming up next week to see how the baby is developing. I can give you the details." She sounds excited, he notices, and he is quietly thunderstruck by it.

Tonight went better than expected.

* * *

They leave the doctor's office lost in thought. Donna's ultrasound appointment had gone well. It was Harvey's first time seeing their baby and even though he had tried to hide it, he is pretty sure that Donna saw how hard he swallowed when they heard the heartbeat of the baby. The wave of love that had crashed over him was unexpected and all-consuming, it was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. Everything was beginning to feel real and tangible and it scared the crap out of him how fast things were changing.

Donna nudges him a little when they enter the elevator until he turns to look at her, "Hey, you okay? You seem a thousand miles away."

"Yeah. Yeah, I just… this is it." He looks down at her belly in awe. "She is real and it's scary. Two weeks ago I didn't even know about her."

God knows it took her months to get used to the thought that she was pregnant and going to be a mother soon. Just like she hadn't expected to have a little human being to worry about in 4 months' time, she's sure it's the same for Harvey. The fact that he actually wants to be involved means more to her than she's willing to admit. Her main concern had been him lashing out, telling her he's not ready for a baby either and all the consequences that would follow. But he's here and trying and the fact that she's not the only one worrying is enough to calm her down.

"You'll get used to it," she reassures him. "You know, I had a feeling it's a girl," she admits when they exit the elevator.

"I hadn't really thought about it…"

The news of her pregnancy had been on the forefront of his mind all week but he'd been too consumed thinking about all the ways he could accidentally screw up his offspring that he hadn't even paused to think about what the baby was going to look or be like.

"I know. It's a lot to wrap your head around."

"It is. But I'm glad she's a girl." He suddenly smirks. "The very first Specter girl."

He looks at her and catches her smile, it starts out slowly, just a tug on the corner of her mouth but then it spreads across her whole face and he can't tear his gaze away.

"She is."

"Maybe she has your smile, or your hair," he thinks out loud. A mini version of Donna running around their feet, wavy auburn hair and his eyes; the thought makes his heart skip a beat and he quickly swallows back the image.

His statement sets off a wave of emotion out of nowhere and she finds herself not wanting to part ways yet.

"Do you maybe want to grab lunch together? I only have an hour until I need to be at the theatre for the matinee but…" She almost worries her lip between her teeth, suddenly thinking it's too soon for them to spend time together but Harvey says yes before she can overthink it.

They have lunch in a small restaurant close to the theatre. To anyone who looked at them they'd just seem like a normal couple who are expecting a baby, Harvey thinks, and the thought makes him want to bail. He should be back at the firm already but instead he accepted her invitation for reasons he can't explain himself.

Donna orders fries and a small salad and explains that she wants to eat something light before the show. He opts for a steak himself and they find themselves catching up like old friends.

"What's it been like at Pearson Hardman?"

"More work, longer hours. Better pay. I moved into a bigger condo a couple of weeks ago." He doesn't say that it looks like a bachelor pad and that he will need to rearrange it before the baby comes; another thought that makes him sweat. "I'm pretty sure you'd love Louis. He's weird."

"We'd probably be friends then."

"He would 'adore' you," he mockingly quotes Louis. "He's into ballet and theatre and all that stuff."

"So he's the one who told you about my play?"

She'd wondered about it all week. Harvey Specter does not keep up with off-Broadway plays and he had made it very clear that they were done now that they didn't work together anymore, so someone must have told him about it.

"It was Bertha actually…"

"Where did _you_ meet Bertha?"

"Apparently she knows Gretchen, my secretary. I saw them talking one day and she asked about 'Red'."

"You have a new secretary?" It shouldn't surprise her, the man is hopeless without someone telling him where he needs to be and how to act. So it only makes sense, it feels weird though. Thinking about someone else doing all those things for him now.

"Yeah, I'm not allowed to fire her, I already fired her predecessors."

That makes her laugh. "Now that, I can believe."

"Hey! Not my fault my new secretary has big shoes to fill," he winks at her, actually winks, and she has a hard time not showing him how much it affects her but her heart is stuttering in her chest and she secretly loves it, loves the way he makes her feel with just a few words that don't mean anything to him.

"And they told you about my play?"

"Yes, they might have been up to something." Thinking back on it, he thinks he's right and he chuckles.

Donna takes a bite of the fry, closing her eyes and pursing her lips in satisfaction. Harvey stares at her, dumbstruck for reasons he can't explain himself. When she opens her eyes, he looks away quickly and takes a sip of his water. The urge to run in the opposite direction hits him again and he allows for the panic to settle in, however, he makes sure Donna doesn't know about it.

"Look, I have to get back to the office but I want to do right by her." He glances at her belly. "I want to be there for it all, Donna."

She only nods, suddenly at a loss for words as her throat closes up.

"If there is anything going on at all, you call me, you got that?"

"I will," she forces out.

He's about to leave the restaurant when he turns around.

"And Donna?"

"Yes?"

"I want to do right by you too."

* * *

It's Friday night and he knows Donna has been craving ice cream in all combinations lately, so when she'd called from the theatre earlier, complaining that _his _daughter was craving food, _('okay, yes it's mostly me who craves it, what about it.')_ he'd promised to swing by her place after work.

It has become their new routine since they don't see each other at work anymore. They are slowly slipping into a safe place where they are only friends. It's harder on some days and nights but being in each other's lives again was what they ultimately craved - no matter in which form - and for the past six weeks it has worked.

So here he is for the umpteenth time, standing in front of apartment 206, wondering how they managed to go from sex with strawberries and whipped cream to friends who are having a baby together.

Donna opens the door after a short moment. Her hair is pulled back and twisted with a clip holding it in place, her face not made up and she's wearing loungewear. When she steps aside to allow Harvey entry, her eyes crinkle around the edges with a smile he returns. The way she looks at him makes him feel grateful for how far they have come.

She grabs the ice cream he bought from his hands and smirks, "Chunky Monkey? Are you trying to tell me or the baby something?"

She hears him follow her into the kitchen where she gets two spoons and looks at Harvey in question but he shakes his head. "I'm most definitely not. Although I guess our little peanut is starting to look like a chunky monkey more and more by the day."

They make their way over to her couch and he loses his jacket on the way. They settle down next to each other, almost touching but never actually doing so anymore. Her living room is only lit by candles and a lamp in the corner which make the space look cosy and intimate.

"Oh, trust me, she is," Donna laughs and rubs over her belly which is getting more pronounced by the day.

After a moment, Harvey places his hand next to hers on the swell of her belly. It's the first time he's touched her since, well, the night _this _happened and he feels Donna tense but then it's gone and he thinks he must have imagined it. "Is she kicking?"

His hand feels warm on her belly and Donna stares at it. She can feel her daughter's kicks and flutters under her skin and she removes her hand to direct Harvey's hand to where she can feel them. "Yeah, here, just wait for it."

Nothing happens for a minute and Donna starts eating her Chunky Monkey ice cream while they are waiting for her to kick again. It doesn't take too long until she feels those tiny butterfly flutters and then there is a kick against the spot where Harvey's hand rests.

A big smile starts spreading on his face as he lays a second hand on her belly to feel all of the movements. It's still difficult for him to wrap his head around the fact that they are going to be the parents of this tiny human being in a few short months but feeling her kicks as she makes herself known is making it that much realer and he can't help but whisper, "Hey you, we can't wait to meet you soon."

Donna feels tears gathering in her eyes and she blinks them away. Harvey's only used this sort of scratchy but deeply sincere voice with her once before and it brings back memories she's stored away. "You do know she's going to take over our entire lives, right? I say we enjoy the quiet before the storm."

Harvey chuckles and finally pulls away to settle into the cushions.

"Mhmm," Donna hums as another spoonful of ice cream melts on her tongue, "This one is my favourite."

"I know." They've tried out so many different flavours but this one definitely was a winner. "It's been kind of hard not to notice the way you moan every time you dig into it," he chuckles, his eyes fixated on her lips, lost in the way they wrap around the spoon as she flicks the ice cream off of it, before he notices her expression. "I mean–"

Donna pulls up a leg and turns to look at him properly then, studying his slightly flustered expression with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head, feeling caught, it always ends this way now; neither of them willing to acknowledge that there is still _something_ between them. Their feelings are simmering beneath the surface but there is too much at stake to remember how well they go together.

"Yeah," she agrees, bringing another spoonful of the ice cream blended with chocolate and banana to her mouth. If she feels a tiny sting, she certainly doesn't acknowledge it.

His eyes linger on her though and for a moment she imagines pulling him close, raking her arms over his muscular back and taking him right here, right now again. Her body is craving to be touched; maybe it's pregnancy hormones, maybe she's only tried to convince herself that being friends is enough for her, but either way, she forces the thought back as soon as it fully forms.

"I should go," he says regretfully.

The setting is too intimate tonight somehow, and it's making him think about her _that_ way again. It's too domestic. She lets him see this whole other side of her now. All her layers. He'd only known her as his witty secretary before, but now she's also his friend, the mother of his child and the woman he can't get out of his system.

Donna really manages to be the only person that keeps him on his toes, he thinks, and with her, it's different anyway.

He sees a flash of disappointment cross Donna's face as he gets up but she conceals it quickly, nodding and thanking him for bringing over the ice cream.

* * *

"When you begged me to come over to have dinner with your mom and her boyfriend, I did not see it going like this," Harvey laughs as he closes the door behind the guests after a long and eventful night.

"Me neither," Donna snickers, almost bursting out laughing again as she remembers Harvey cracking up over some stupid pregnancy joke she'd told about baby strawberries. "This was one godawful dinner party. I'm never having them over again."

"Come on, it wasn't half that bad," he tries to reason as they make their way into her kitchen.

"Harvey, you spat a piece of shrimp across the room and into the back of my mother's hair!" Donna exclaims, still shaking with laughter as she pours Harvey another glass of wine.

"And she didn't even feel it because of all the hairspray. It stuck in there like a tick."

He accepts the glass and takes a sip of it while Donna prepares a cup of tea for herself to calm down.

"Oh my god, I don't think I can look at my mom again for at least a few months."

Her cheeks are rosy from laughing and her freckles are more prominent than usual and even though her mum had been more than embarrassing tonight, she doesn't think she's felt this happy in a while.

There's definitely a comfortable energy in the room and they snicker about the fact that her mom's new boyfriend is at least half a head smaller than her mom and from Alabama of all places until Donna's tea is ready and they start clearing the table in her dining room.

Donna puts all the plates together and carries them towards the kitchen but Harvey is right behind her and quick to take them away from her.

"No heavy lifting!"

"Harvey, that's hardly lifting at all."

He glares at her rounded midsection so she leaves it at that, there's no arguing with him when it comes to her taking care of herself and the baby. Her belly is getting really big and she carries it low, her bladder is constantly getting kicked and her organs are squished anyway. So she figures it's okay if he does the dishes tonight.

Her mum and her boyfriend had come down to New York City for the weekend to see the closing night of 'How the world began', and everything had gone smoothly right up until the point when her mom had asked about the nursery and where the baby would live.

She and Harvey hadn't discussed the topic in detail yet but both of them knew that for the first year at least, their daughter would live with Donna. Which role he would play and to which extent she would allow him to be involved after the birth neither of them knew yet. There are still eight weeks left to figure it out though.

They had shown Clara and her boyfriend John the nursery which they had just finished days before and Clara had gushed about the white furniture, little baby clothes and toys and she'd hardly been able to stop. Donna had glanced at him apologetically a few times but he'd only smirked. He was excited to meet their daughter too.

During dinner, Clara had made a comment about how glad she was that they'd finally gotten their act together.

"Donna never said who the father was but I always knew. You just fit together." John hum-agreed and added, "The energy is clearly there." Donna stared at them furiously for a long moment, clearly wanting to strangle both of them.

"Mom, you know he's just here as a friend."

Clara smiled, "Sure, honey."

It had led to Donna taking control of the conversation until dinner was over. Harvey had found it amusing to see how flustered Donna was and it had distracted him from the fact that it indeed felt like they were a couple and he was meeting her family for the first time.

"So, my mom hasn't scared you away yet?" Donna asks tentatively as they settle into a routine of him cleaning the dishes and her drying them.

"She's very charismatic, I can see where you get it from." He hands her a plate. "If our daughter is anything like you both, I'm definitely overpowered."

"Well, the Paulsen gene is anything but recessive," Donna smirks.

"Very true. But no, honestly not. I'm in this, Donna. The baby is my priority." (_You're my priority too,_ but that thought never fully forms.)

He hands her the salad bowl and she takes it, making sure they don't touch. It's easiest when they keep some distance, she's found. Ever since that night where he'd touched her belly she's been more cautious of their touches. It's not that she doesn't want to touch him, it's that she _still_ wants to touch him more than she can, more than she's allowed to.

They've been seeing each other more often recently, mostly meeting up after work to have dinner and she's sure that they can do this, she's sure _she_ can find a way to not look at him _that _way but it won't happen overnight and certainly not if he keeps looking at her with those puppy eyes, his head cocked to the side, asking her if the baby is alright.

It makes her hormones rage. Rage because she can't climb him like a tree again and because he's not ready for more.

"Well, good, and don't listen to anything she says. She's obsessed with romance. I don't understand why she thinks John is the right guy for that," she laughs again, "but I'm glad she's finally happy."

"Does your dad know about him?"

"He does and he's not happy. It's a nightmare. They can't even stay in the same room anymore. That's why I wanted to have you here tonight. To see if you and my mom get along at least."

"Donna, you don't have to worry about that. I want them both to be a part of our daughter's life. Just like I want my father to be a part of hers too."

Donna nods absently, it's what she wants too. "How's Gordon, by the way?"

"He's doing good. He keeps asking for updates about the baby you know. He loves you." He glances at her and sees her self-satisfied smile. Gordon has always liked the redhead and he'd been thrilled when Harvey told him about her pregnancy.

"I am pretty amazing. I miss our phone conversations," she admits. And it's not just the phone conversation she misses but those little stories about Harvey's childhood and insights into what shaped him into the man he is today.

They finally finish drying and putting the dishes away. It's late already and it's been a long and exhausting day. The closing night had been amazing but emotional. Donna feels her bones ache from doing the last two shows today and working all week. Harvey finishes his wine and Donna accompanies him to the door where he lingers.

"Thank you for tonight, Donna," he says softly. There's an unspoken conversation happening in their eyes as they look at each other. She knows something has shifted between them tonight, introducing Harvey to her mom was a big deal, whether it was just as a friend or not, and seeing them all get along meant a lot to her.

"You're welcome." She bites her lip and watches him turn around and leave when all she wants is to ask him to stay.

* * *

_A/N: Reviews are always very much appreciated and make me update faster xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: So this is the part I really wanted to write and even though it's shorter than my previous chapters, I feel like it deserved its own chapter. I hope you like it._

* * *

Weeks pass by and Donna enjoys her free time by going to prenatal yoga, catching up with old friends and reading up on all things newborn. Her pregnancy has been easy-going so far but now that there is less space for the baby to move around, Donna is starting to feel uncomfortable. Every kick seems to be against her ribs or her bladder and her bump looks huge on her slender body.

When Donna comes home from yoga one night and her discomfort seems to be greater than before, she decides that taking a hot bath will help her and the baby to relax.

It doesn't help. The hot water feels amazing on her skin and soothes her aching bones but something just doesn't feel quite right.

Afterwards she puts on a pair of fluffy pyjamas and decides to have an early night. She gets as comfortable as she can in bed and wishes not for the first time that Harvey was there to calm her worries. She knows she could call him but there's really nothing he could do.

Her hand rubs against the spot where her daughter is making the taut skin of her belly bulge and she drifts off into a dreamless sleep shortly after.

Donna still feels strange when she wakes up the next morning. Nothing has really changed except for the fact that there is an occasional twinge in her lower abdomen.

She prepares breakfast and replies to Harvey's message asking her if she is free for dinner tonight with an enthusiastic 'yes, please' and goes about her day.

When those occasional twinges start happening more frequently and on a semi-regular basis she has to admit to herself that they feel more like Braxton-Hicks contractions and she groans internally. She still has a few more weeks to go and she had hoped that she could enjoy them pain-free.

Around midday, Donna starts worrying about their intensity. She can't really tell if that's what false labour feels like but she doesn't see any babies shooting out of her so she continues cooking.

An hour later though, she is pacing around her living room. She can't pretend that the contractions aren't steadily getting worse and she decides to call Harvey. To her dismay, he doesn't pick up, so she decides to leave a voicemail. He is probably just in a meeting with a client and will call her back right after.

But he doesn't call back, and the contractions intensify. She's been taking notes of the frequency of her contractions and they're coming faster and faster. They no longer feel like a mild stitch that comes and goes and eventually she has to admit to herself that this is real labour.

"Harvey, it's been hours and this is my third voicemail already. I need you to come over and either calm me down or drive me to the hospital because my contractions are getting worse. Call me back as soon as you get this."

* * *

Harvey leaves the meeting in a good mood. It dragged on longer than he had anticipated but he is confident that they managed to find a way to avoid going to trial. Back in his office, he sees paperwork Gretchen left for him and is about to dive into it when he remembers that he asked Donna if she wanted to grab dinner tonight.

He checks his phone and notices five missed voicemails from Donna. The amount is worrying considering that she rarely ever leaves voice messages and he decides to call her back right away.

"Donna, what is it?"

"Harvey, where the fuck have you been?" She sounds angry, so much so that her voice is quavering.

"I was in a meeting with a client. I just got back and saw your calls," his voice is latched with concern. "What's going on?"

"Harvey, you need to come to the hospital right now. I've been trying to get hold of you for hours!" She replies urgently, there is a beat, and then her voice breaks like ice. "I'm in labour and... something is wrong. My OB said the umbilical cord dropped and is now trapped against the baby's body."

"What? Donna–" His brain short-circuits, not quite processing what she's just told him. It's too early for her to give birth. She is only 36 weeks pregnant and the baby is measuring small. They had seen her OBGYN just a couple of days ago and she had told them that it's something to watch but not to worry about. He thought they had a few more weeks.

"They are going to try to do a somersault delivery because the baby is in distress but if it doesn't work they're going to take me up to the OR to perform an emergency c-section," Donna's voice cracks. She sounds scared shitless, and Donna _never_ sounds like that. She always reassures everyone and tells them that things are going to turn out alright, but right now she just _needs him_ to be there for her and give her some guidance and reassurance.

He feels adrenaline wash through his whole body, his senses sharpen and he literally jumps into action. Frantically, he closes his laptop and fumbles with the contract that is lying on his desk.

"Donna." He shoves the papers blindly into a drawer and gets up. He pushes the glass door open and starts striding towards the elevators in a hurry. The thought of letting people know why he is leaving doesn't even cross his mind. His every thought is directed at Donna and their baby alone.

Phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, he presses the elevator button repeatedly. When he hears Donna groan and shift, but doesn't get a reply, he repeats her name.

"Donna. Listen. Listen to me." The doors of the elevator finally open and he steps inside. "I'm on my way. I'll be there in less than 20 minutes so just hold on. Do whatever they recommend to keep her safe." _And you too, his mind adds._

His heart is beating out of his chest and he can't remember having felt this scared ever before. There is chatter, and he thinks it's good she and the baby are getting the care and attention they need; but then he hears Donna sob and he just wants to calm her nerves, "Donna, just breathe, it'll be okay." He doesn't know why he says it, he doesn't know anything. The thought of anything happening to either of them is unbearable though, he just wants to be there for Donna, and reassurance is what she needs right now. He knows her now, knows how helpless she is against her own ugly thoughts sometimes.

The elevator finally arrives on the ground floor and he steps out of it, almost running out of the firm to hail a cab.

Donna sounds so unlike herself when she inhales sharply and he can hear the pain in her voice, "Hurry up, please."

Harvey pays the cab driver extra money to drive faster and yet it still takes forever for him to arrive at the hospital.

His eyes land on hers at last. She is propped up on a hospital bed. From the looks of it, she is just about to get wheeled out of the room. There is a nurse who is preparing everything so they can leave shortly.

"Donna," he breathes.

His movements stop but his heart carries on beating frantically in his chest. She looks up at him; her skin pale, her hair a mess and a little grimace around her mouth and eyes. It makes him swallow, seeing her attached to all those tubes and cables around her. He tells the nurse that he is the baby's father and she lets him step closer.

"What happened? Everything was fine last night." He reaches out to her then, unable to reign himself in. Donna allows the contact, their fingertips brushing against one another.

"I've had contractions all morning but I thought they were Braxton-Hicks until they started coming faster and more regularly. I tried to reach you but you were unavailable, so I went to the hospital." She chokes on her next words. "They gave me an epidural and noticed a change in the fetal heart rate. It started decelerating so they tried to relieve the pressure of the cord by pushing her head to the side towards my thigh but it didn't work. Her heart rate dropped even more in the last 20 minutes and they're going to take me up to surgery for delivery now."

"Shit."

"Harvey…" Her voice is wobbly, yet strong and desperate for something, _anything, _as a new contraction washes over her.

He swallows hard and lets his fingers glide over hers, softly rubbing his thumb over the skin next to where a needle is penetrating a vein. He gently intertwines them and brings her hand to his lips, kissing it almost absently.

"Everything is going to be just fine. They are going to take good care of you." Harvey puts his other hand on her belly. He cocks his head to the side and gives her a reassuring smile.

Donna's eyes are glassy and she looks incredibly scared. "I'm so afraid that she won't be okay. She's too small."

Tears are threatening to spill over now and all he can do is squeeze her hand.

"She will be. No doubt about it. Before you know it, you'll be blowing raspberries on her belly and she'll be playing with your hair."

He swallows down the way he wants to tell her they are going to be a family and that he loves her. He doesn't understand it himself, but he has a feeling she might know it anyway by the way she is looking at him.

The nurse asks Donna if she wants Harvey to be present during her c-section and Donna says yes before even asking him. Their hands are still interlocked and he is glad. He doesn't think he could let Donna do this on her own. He feels useless already, like he is failing at keeping his daughter safe before she is even born.

Everything that happens in the next hour is a blur. While they are preparing Donna for surgery, he changes into scrubs and puts on overshoes. His heart is still beating frantically in his chest; this time though, it's more about the fact that Donna and he are going to be parents in a matter of minutes.

He is right by her side, when the surgeon cuts the umbilical cord and places an impossibly tiny human being on Donna's chest for skin-to-skin contact. He is right there, when Donna cries and smiles and lets out a laugh of relief, and he is right next to her when the baby's tiny hand wraps around Donna's finger and their eyes meet for the first time. It's overwhelming, surreal and the most exhilarating thing that he has ever felt.

But it's when Donna looks at him with shining eyes and the most blissful smile on her lips, that he finally understands that this might not have been the way he imagined to become a father, but that this, _they_, are everything.

And everything works out the way it's supposed to.

It changes him in ways he never thought it would.

* * *

Amelia Specter arrives 4 weeks early but she is just fine. She measures small (18 inches and 5.6 lbs) but she has ten fingers and ten toes and is absolutely perfect in the eyes of her parents.

Harvey makes a few calls some time after the birth to inform family and friends of the turn of events. Afterwards, he settles down on a chair in front of the hospital bed where Donna is sleeping.

She stirs soon after, the adrenaline and regional anaesthesia still fighting for control of her body.

"Hey sleepyhead," he greets her softly.

"What are you so smiley about?" Donna asks, her voice deep and sleep-laden.

"I just called my father."

"That's good. What did Gordon say?"

"He is so happy." Harvey chuckles. "He told me that he is proud of me and to not mess this up." He keeps it to himself that his father asked him when he can expect to receive a wedding invitation. Gordon told him not to waste any more time, to recognise how lucky he is and to finally make Donna _an honest woman_. His father loves Donna, he's always known that, but he had never expressed his opinion about the two of them so openly.

"You better not. This is my daughter we are talking about!"

"Our daughter."

"Indeed she is." He can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, the skin around his eyes crinkling. Donna smiles back at him and it's the most endearing thing. She looks exhausted beyond a doubt, but it's the way her eyes sparkle and the way her cheeks flush slightly that make him think that things feel right and complete with her.

"I think he wasn't just talking about her," he admits.

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't want me to mess this up. Us."

Donna nods. It's one of her biggest fears as well. Things between them are as blurry as things can get but it might only be a matter of time before Harvey moves on with another woman and she is on her own again. She pushes the thought of them, _them as a family,_ far back. It would be foolish to slip into a relationship now thinking that everything's changed and that Harvey is suddenly emotionally ready for her. They are going to be in each other's lives for the foreseeable future and she has to be smart about this.

"I won't let you mess it up. So far we're doing great." She sounds determined. He wants to believe her and he makes a silent promise to himself to always do right by her. Family is too important to chance messing it up. He knows that better than anyone.

"Good." He gives her one of his boyish smiles and admits, "I called your parents too."

"Did you really?" She sounds surprised.

"Hey, anything for the mother of my child. You were pretty out of it there for a while."

She gives him a weary smile, "Said mother is recovering from surgery."

"I know." He wants to add a joke but thinks better of it, "You know, you were pretty amazing in there."

His compliment is raw and holds nothing of his usual cockiness. Donna feels her eyes well up and her hand almost reaches for his arm again. He'd held her throughout the entire c-section; never once letting go of her arms and her shoulders. It's ironic how easily she got addicted to his touch after making a point of keeping a physical distance as best as she could in recent months.

"I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life. Thank you for being here. I couldn't have done any of this without you." The words force themselves up and she's so far past caring at this point. She just needs him to know.

"Donna, I was useless in there–"

"You weren't," she interrupts him, "It was so cold in that OR but you held me and made sure I was alright the whole time."

Her tears are threatening to spill over and when they do, he reaches forward with his hand and wipes them away with his thumb. Then, he covers her hand with his, gently letting their fingers glide against one another until they intertwine like it's the most normal thing for them to do. They might have a shot at something that isn't doomed and he tightens his grip on her.

She just went through something scary and huge and she let him be a part of it. Now, she needs someone to lean on, someone to hold her, too. The realisation makes him grow up in turn.

"We're in this together, alright? All three of us."

"I'm so glad Amelia is okay," Donna sniffles. Thankfully there hadn't been any more complications. And while she looks tiny and delicate, she's got strong lungs and latches on even stronger on her mother's breasts.

After a moment she pulls herself together, too afraid to let the moment linger and fall for him even more.

"So, what did my parents say? I should've thought to call them myself."

"Clara wasn't impressed with our daughter's timing but she said she's going to take a trip to New York on the weekend for some cuddles, and Jim said—"

He continues telling her about what her parents said but soon notices how Donna winces when she shifts. "Hey, what is it?"

"It's fine, it's nothing," she dismisses him but her forced smile doesn't convince him.

"Donna. Let me try to help?"

"Fine, could you hand me a glass of water and the painkillers Dr. Lindley left on the table?"

Harvey hands them to her and tells her to get some sleep before the nurse brings back Amelia for nursing. She doesn't protest and falls asleep moments later. Harvey watches her deep in thought.

* * *

Donna has to stay in hospital for four days after the c-section. She really wants to go home but she knows she can't yet care for the baby on her own. The incision is healing nicely but she isn't allowed to lift anything heavier than her baby, so she isn't under any illusions. She is going to need help, and she is going to need someone to stay at her place. It's not the way she envisioned the birth going and adjusting her plans is a challenge.

"Donna, you know as well as I do that it has to be me."

"No, I can't ask that of you. You have work, the firm…" She finds the idea of Harvey staying at her place more terrifying than she wants to admit. He is causing enough trouble as it is, being attentive, helpful and anticipating her needs. Clara can't stay with her, she knows that, but she had still hoped that her mom would offer to help her out when she had visited them two days ago. Everyone has their own responsibilities and Harvey is right, he is Amelia's father after all.

"I'll get it sorted. I already talked to Jessica."

He looks at her with those puppy eyes and she tries one more time.

"Isn't this going to—"

"Going to what?" He sounds curious.

"Nothing." Donna shakes her head and looks down at Amelia who is nursing peacefully in her arms. Their lines are blurry anyway and she needs the help.

"Donna," he pauses and waits until she looks up at him. "I _want_ to be there for you and Amelia. I've never cared for anyone but I want to do this."

Her eyes search his ones for the umpteenth time. The change in his behaviour is so obvious, she can't help but stare in disbelief at times.

"When did you become so good at this?" She sniffles.

He shrugs. "I did some reading. Makes it less terrifying and more real." His arm darts out again and gives hers a squeeze. "I told you we're in this together."

And that's that.

If Donna is honest with herself it feels like things are falling into place. Harvey is becoming the man she's always known he could be and it's fascinating to watch.

* * *

_A/N: Who's soft now? I know I am. Reviews are always appreciated. x_x


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